I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
