Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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