Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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