She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
