Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
