I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
