We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
