I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
