that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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