just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
