It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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