I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
