What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
