so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
