Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
