theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
