1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
