I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
