i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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