apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
