Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
