put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
