don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
