bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
