So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
