You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
