I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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