The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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