operation harelip BJ is a go
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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