I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
