I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
