you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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