I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
