marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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