i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
