So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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