we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
