Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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