Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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