if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
