why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm like, not good at living.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
