I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
