it's not cheating when I paid for it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
