ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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