you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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