hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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