I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
