My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
