how can u be prego again
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
