i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
